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the voiceless one

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are you or are you not the black angel of death? [04 Mar 2003|09:11am]
he said, "can you help me are you sleeping?"
she said, "will you rape me now?"
he said, "leave the politics to mad men"
she said, "i believe your lies"
he said, "there's a paradox beneath me"
she said, "am i suppose to bleed?"
he said, "you better pray to jesus"
she said, "i don't believe in god"

after a time of silence i give you this.
there is more to come.
14 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

she's so cool it's almost eerie [11 Aug 2002|05:00pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

i thought i would give you kids a little update on me. i don't remember all of this week so i'm gonna start with thursday. the first day i can remember right off hand.

thursday - i went to eat with andre at amado's. went with my mom to some random stores. that nigth i hung out with jasenka. we went to a coffee place and talked about stuff.

friday - i hung out with andre and danny. that was full of laughs.

saturday - i went to lunch with andre and his family. this day was really really long. that's all i have to say about that.

today - i went to church. after that i went out with anna. we went to lunch at chili's, hung out at my place for a while, and then went to see signs.

i have nothing more to say about me.

- steven -

4 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

i'm sorry everyone. i filled this out lastnight and tried to make it funny for you [02 Aug 2002|10:31am]
[ mood | lonely ]

Name: steven neal haley
Do you like your name? sure why not
nickname(s): stevie wonder, scuba steve, steve-o, fonuse
Age: 18
Do you wish you were older?: no
height: 5'11 (a guess)
Do you wish you were taller?: no, i wish i was a midget
birthday: February 27, 1984 (teppo day february)
Do you like your birthday?: sure why not
eye color: brown
hair color: black with brown splotches
Do you like the way you look? does it matter? i love myself
Would you change anything about your looks? i would have a peg leg.
Hometown: usa
current: tempe, AZ
School: asu
School Mascot: satan
Is your school nice?: no
Favorite colors: black and blue
Where do you see yourself in ten years? being 28
What is your biggest fear?: causing a friend's death
Are you afraid of spiders? no
Do you believe in love at first sight? yeah
Do you go to church?: yeah
What kind of grades do you get in school?: the letter kind
Favorite basketball team: the one with the black guys
Favorite football team: the one with the big fat black guys
Favorite baseball team: the one with no black guys
Where do you shop?: stinkweeds, eastside, zia
Do you like to go to the mall?: no
Boxers or Briefs?: boxers
If you were stuck on an island, who would you wanna be stuck with?: melvin
What would you want on that island?: a toilet made of solid gold
Favorite radio station?: the edge
Favorite Tv stations: fuck tv
Do you speak any other languages: retard
Do you want to get married?: sure
Do you want to have kids? sure
Favorite cartoon character: leonardo, buttercup, invader zim, scooby-doo, lion-o, etc.
Favorite TV show: friends
Are you afraid to die?: no. death comes to us all. it's just a matter of how and when.
What's your screen name(s)?: mrfonuse, AFaceInTheShadow
Do you live at home?: yeah
Do you like where you live?: yeah
Do you have a tattoo?: no
Do you have anything pierced?: no
What CD is in your CD player right now?: less than jake - goodbye blue and white
If you could change your name, what would it be?: ezkiel, igor, or nikola
Favorite restaurant: cheba hut
What do you want to be when you are older: happy
Ever been on TV: yes
Favorite fruit: nanners
Favorite candy: pez, pixi stixs, skittles, starburst, chocolate, sour patch kids, etc.

GENERAL:
best friend? andre, kyle, jasenka
Worst enemy? you
Job? rolling lo-lo off the couch

FAMILY/FRIENDS:
Parents? yeah - my mammy
siblings? i guess...if that is what you like to call it - a lo-lo
Who do you spend the most time with? andre
Who haven't you seen in a long time? everyone
Most willing to talk to and listen? those two

FAVORITES:
Music? the kind with instruments
Band/singer? authority zero - jason devore, afi - davey havok, goldfinger - john feldman, system of a down - serj tankian, anti-flag - justin sane, millencolin - nikola sarcevic, ignite - zoli teglas, slipknot - corey #8, static-x - wayne static, pennywise - jim, bouncing souls - the vocalist, five iron frenzy - reese, sex pistols - johnny rotten & sid vicious, less than jake - chris & roger, bullet train to moscow - jared, no gimmick - josh, home grown - the asain guy & the white guy, jimmy eat world - looks like an ass, sugarcult - tim, dashboard confessional - chris carraba, nofx - fat mike, hall 13 - jorge, flogging molly - the irish guy, machu piccu/bad religion - greg graffin, my gay uncle - the singer, me first and the gimme gimmes - spike, wizo - the german guy, and so many more
Movie?: the crow, memento, signs, braveheart, tommy boy, office space, grosse point blank, the matrix, clerks, mallrats, goldmember, 007 films, forrest gump, turner and hooch, the sandlot, ghostbusters, my french video, all mel gibson movies, requiem for a dream, halloween, amitiville horror, happy gilmore, stevn's adventures in stevn land, batman, teenage mutant ninja turtles (only the first), the lost boys, most 80's movies, wedding singer, l.a. confidential, so many more
Actor? mel gibson
Actress? the good lookin one...i really don't know
Food? i don't eat much
Alcholic Drink?: screwdriver, corona, sex on the beach,
Flower? the one that smells pretty
Shirt? my black afi shirt
Sport to watch? hockey
Sport to do? hockey, swim, sleep

EITHER OR (must choose at least one)
Eh/huh? eh
Love/lust? i dunno....um....ugh......love
Coke/that other soft drink? what's the other drink?
Work/play? gee, let's try real hard here folks
Morning/ night? night
Summer/winter?: winter
Bed/ couch? bed
Silence/noise? noise
Music/tv? music
Juice/water? water
Barefoot/sandals (outside)? barefoot
Barefoot/sandals (inside)? barefoot

RELATIONSHIPS:
Ever been in love? yes
Single? yes
Do you have a secret crush? yeah
Does someone have a secret crush on you? i hope so. well then there is the night stalker.....um....never mind. nobody but andre and andy know her.
Gone out with someone and regretted it? yeah
Ever been dumped by letter? yes
Perfect date? april 27, not too hot and still a little cool. um....no seriously, just being with a girl and hanging out doing random things....ugh....yeah.
Where do you find yourself in 5 years? when i find myself i'll let you know
Who was the last person you kissed? anna
Hugged? kalua (my dog)
How far have you gone? i just got back from buffalo two days ago.
Who do you like? boys and girls, but more girls than boys. i swear, i'm not gay
Are you a virgin? of course
Do you make whoopie on the first date? what's whoopie? oh, you mean fucking?

THE PRESENT:
Who's with you? andre
Whats on the tv? it's not on
What time is it? 11:05 p.m.
Eating anything? never
Are you tired?: just a whee bit
What are you wearing? socks
Showered today? yes
What did you eat today? cereal, wendy's, spaghetti

4 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

we are all human. it's time to prove it. [31 Jul 2002|11:41pm]
[ mood | bitter ]

today i read and heard some things that made me sick. it really aggravated me. we are suppose to care for ourselves and even more for others but all we do is spread lies and kill eachother. it's time to show some true humanity. when you see somebody down then you stop and pick them up. when are we gonna learn that everything starts with you and me. together we make a change. please, let's live in peace. i'm tired of all this shit.

- steven -

5 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

home is where um.....ugh....i am [30 Jul 2002|01:57pm]
i have returned from buffalo. good times. i'm not sure how many of you care so i am gonna go.

- steven -
7 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

the fear of the unknown is always the strongest fear [16 Jul 2002|12:25pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

i've packed my bags and i'm headed out the door.

while i'm gone i want you kids to take care of eachother. it's time we start to show some true humanity.


- steven -

4 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

fade [09 Jun 2002|10:28pm]
i never thought this could ever happen
to be abandoned by someone who i thought cared so much
i sit here in the darkness and try to figure out
what made this change in you
and what there is for me to do
now i slide through the sadness
thinking of nothing except this emptiness
i can feel you fading away
fading from me like a blackened memory
it's killing me
i never thought i could fall so hard, so fast
a thought that will forever haunt my past
late at night when the faces in the shadow begin to flow
i think of your beauty and see a shimmering glow
a thought that soon fades to black
when i think of the thing that made us break in two
and how there is nothing for me to do
i can feel you fading away
fading from me like a blackened memory
it's enraging me
this rage i cannot let go
nothing can erase the damage done

- steven -
4 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

[06 Jun 2002|03:49pm]
[ mood | crappy,bad,horrid,disgruntled ]

FUCK!

well, i could have gone without today

- steven -

3 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

maybe [02 Jun 2002|09:02pm]
maybe if i were you and you were me
you could see the agony
the pain i feel every time you are near
the thoughts i have that are so unclear
but then again if i were you
i would be so oblivious to the ones who love me
and i would never care for anything i see
but maybe one day you will change
maybe one day you will realize that you wrong
maybe if i could just tell you and make things clear
maybe you could see
how you are wrong to treat me like this
make me feel that i am something you couldn't live without
like i was someone you couldn't be without
i guess you've made your decision
and now i must make mine
and i guess you'll be te one that i'll be missing
but maybe one day you will change
maybe one day you will realize that you are wrong
maybe you coud just open your eyes
and see all the lies
that you are feeding me

- steven -
5 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

free me [01 Jun 2002|07:02pm]
i didn't ask you to take me from here
i didn't ask to be broken
i didn't ask you to stroke my hair
or treat me like a worthless token
but my skin is thick
my mind is strong
i am built like my father was
i've done nothing wrong
so free me
i just want to feel what life should be
i just want enough space to turn around
and face the truth
so free me
when are you gonna realize you're just wrong
you can't even make up your minds
so my mind's a jail
and i hate the whole god damn human race
what the hell do you want from me
kill me if you just don't know
or free me
i just want to feel what life should be
i just want enough space to turn around
cause you're all fucked
someday maybe you will treat me like you

- steven -
6 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

i think i have let go and fallen into the beautiful depths of darkness without even realizing it [01 Jun 2002|01:06am]
[ mood | sad,concerned,confused,in need ]

ali left tonite...that was sad. i saw her everyday this week and now it's over. now she's gone...forever.

in my life things have changed so much just in the past week. my feelings about something have changed and i didn't even realize it. i had absolutely no control over it either. i thought about it a lot this weekend and it made me happy. then i got back and the feeling was completely non-existent. i have not decided if this good or bad. such extreme feelings and then they all just fade to black. but maybe they aren't gone but simply changing...god, i don't know.

by the way, if you think you have an idea of who or what i am talking about then you are more than likely wrong. but then again, many people have come to suprise me.

the worst part is that i cannot talk to the person that i always do...the one who always helps me.
i need to talk to marc...

do you remember when we were all so beautiful?

- steven -

7 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

of course... [01 Jun 2002|12:44am]


which BAND are you? find
out
!



does that fit?

- steven -
sing my eulogy

aim is very funny [31 May 2002|11:06pm]
[ mood | bamboozled ]

just read this...it made me laugh

teddybeargurl223: hi.... :-)
AFaceInTheShadow: heya
teddybeargurl223: asl?
AFaceInTheShadow: 18/male/tempe, az
teddybeargurl223: 23/f/ny
AFaceInTheShadow: very cool....so how's it goin?
teddybeargurl223: so waht are you up to afaceintheshadow?
teddybeargurl223: you wana cyber me! im kinda in the mood if you know what i mean :-)
AFaceInTheShadow: sure
AFaceInTheShadow: ...i guess
teddybeargurl223: great! can you jst get it started..
teddybeargurl223: so tell me how you would do me! from behind?
AFaceInTheShadow: actually i'm thinkin from the side
AFaceInTheShadow: i'm in to that
teddybeargurl223: yeah, give it to me from behind sweets
teddybeargurl223: keep going.. im getting.. you know.. excited
AFaceInTheShadow: no no....from the side
AFaceInTheShadow: i want to feel your sides with my front
Previous message was not received by teddybeargurl223 because of error: User teddybeargurl223 is not available.

- steven -

1 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

after all this time.... [31 May 2002|09:04pm]
[ mood | hot ]

andre now has a livejournal...

if you want to read it...you must ask me.

only the worthy can pass the gates of glavin.

- steven -

2 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

good times... [29 May 2002|11:59am]
[ mood | confused, worried, sad, happy ]

well well well...

as you may have read in my last entry...my weekend was alright but when i got home it became so much better. monday night i hung out with (alphabetical ordr) ali, andy, and jonathan. we met at goldbar and we there until we kicked out...due to the place closing. after that we went to ihop....forever!

we got to ihop around 11-ish....ordered some dinner...yes i actually ate. had a shit load of laughes. ali left around 3 am and we stayed. after a while we looked outside and realized that the sun was rising. then we saw what time it was and all said, "oh shit!" so we started talking again. we made friends with this cool new yorker. we ordered breakfast and then talked to this scary lady. she freaked me out. talking about how she had flatlined 4 times...due to herself. that was the point when i realized we should leave.

i got home....got 3 hours of sleep. then i sat around. lastnight i went to the drive-in movie with ali and had a great time. had a lot more laughes. got home around 12:30 and went to sleep.

i woke up today around 11 because jasenka called and i talked to her for a bit. good times.

so now i know, i don't know anything, except i notice that you're still here...
i don't want anything , well that a lie because i want you here with me.

- steven -

2 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

[27 May 2002|05:19pm]
[ mood | unknown ]

well i have returned from an alright weekend. went up north but i didn't really do much. i sat there wishing i was here at home with my friends. although i did get a lot of time to clear some of my thoughts. that was good...i guess.

if i don't say this now i'm gonna be sorry...
i don't want to make the same mistake again.

i feel like doing something later tonite so...um...if ya wanna do something then find a way of getting in contact with me.

late

- steven -

7 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

[24 May 2002|09:59am]
[ mood | i dunno ]

well what can i say? lastnight was my graduation and i had a really great time. there wasn't as many people crying as i thought there would be. jasenka, sanja, and adam came....which made me really happy. that bum andy decided not to show up....what a loser.

i guess me going to his graduation wasn't enough for him.
andy, there is no way you could ever be my favorite...it'll forever be jasenka.

hahaha...just kidding...
wait, no i'm not!

afterwards i went out with kyle and matthew and had an awesome time. got home around 3, went to bed around 4, and woke up around 8....don't ask.

like an angel with two broken wings, reach to the sky again. like a devil, meant for better things, i will find my place on high.

5 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

[23 May 2002|02:45pm]
[ mood | amazed ]

i justed watched the cider house rules.....it's such an amazing film.

tobey maguire is such a freakin' good actor.

that is all for now...

3 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

hearts frozen soil thawed once more by the spring of rage, despair and hopelessness [21 May 2002|10:02pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

you know what? i’m gonna be fine.....eventually.

today i fell asleep and had this wonderful and helpful dream. after that i began to read a lot of stuff that i had written from a while ago. in the midst of my reading i took a few shots of vodka and then i discovered that i’m gonna be ok. it may take some time but it’ll happen.

of course i have my options.....
-i could just swallow my feelings
-i could come out with it
-i could just wait it out

it doesn't really matter which one i choose cause i know that my time will come

2 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

[20 May 2002|10:53pm]
[ mood | confused ]

i hate the fact that i can only talk to marc about this and not the person i usually do...

i want so much

4 sang my eulogy | sing my eulogy

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